It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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