omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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