i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
