I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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