kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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