I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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