i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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