doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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