I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
