Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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