What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
