Soap is not a condiment
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
