I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
