she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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