dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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