Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
