you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
