You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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