you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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