Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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