he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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