i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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