How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
