i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
