Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
