I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
