was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
