the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
