who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
