wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
