You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
