a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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