my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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