Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
