Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
