The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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