Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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