Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Let's paint friendship bongs
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
