I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
