i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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