I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
