Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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