I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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