In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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