Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She bit a glass in half.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So much rum. So many feels.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off