Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
My nipple is on Facebook.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Watching her eat just hurts me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again