Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up