glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I love having hate sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize