Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
