Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
