Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
