im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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