Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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