I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
