some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
