Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
