I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
