Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
