I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
