Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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