I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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