i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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