he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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