So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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