Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
