We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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