You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I FOUND THE LEGS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
