grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
