So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
