Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize