i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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