why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
