ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
