that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
