omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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