when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
