I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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