and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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