the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
