the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
