How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
