there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
